It is exhausting. It requires a lot of explaining. Inevitably it involves a lot of questions about my story. It’s time consuming. And in the end the encounter usually just results in misunderstanding. You are from here on out labeled with that group of people as the adoptee with issues. The one who didn’t conform. The one who dared to speak out afainst the system. The one who dared to rain on the adoption parade and dismantle all the rainbows and unicorns. Speaking out changes relationships and how people see you.
Those of us who are brave enough to tell our stories and speak out do so because we know this is about more than just us and our stories. We do it because it matters. Because the system needs to be reformed. Because it’s time to put an end to the secrecy and lies in adoption. It’s time to reform the system, and the only way that is going to happen is through society hearing the voices of adult adoptees who have lived it. Because we owe it to future generations of adoptees to spare them some of the pain we have endured.
The search for healing and closure are some of the most important events of my life. This is the core of who I am and what makes me, me. It’s my identity. It’s my journey. I’ve learned a lot of life lessons throughout the difficult process. The fact that something so important in my life is met with such a lack of understanding is painful and makes the process much more hurtfull.
Being open, and truthful about my life and experience brings healing not only to me but to others. My Story has the power to heal both the reader and myself at the same time.
Even though most of the people in my life don’t and won’t ever understand, my story matters. It matters to me because I lived it, and it matters to anyone that it helps. My life has been so defined by secrets and lies that I refuse to live with secrets and lies anymore.
I was not prepared for the response, I received to my search. That deer in the headlights look on people’s faces when I told them.
All the why questions. (Wow, Really)
- Things like well how does your adoptive mother and father feel about all this?
- I have been told that I am stuck in the past, that I need to just get over it, that people are tired of hearing about my adoption story
- Why are you looking, you are clearly loved by your adoptive family?
- Can’t you just be greatful you werent aborted?
Nobody ever asked how I felt about all this, and how the reunion was affecting my life. Nobody understood how my life was turned upside down by all these new people and changes coming and going in my life. Nobody knew the heartache and identity crisis I was suddenly facing.
I have discovered the healing power of openness….and so I tell my story, so that others can learn.
Today there is a large amount of support available in the adoption community. Podcast, Facebook groups, Tik Tok’s. Lean on those who share you struggles. You are not alone.
Your Secret My Story 
Been there. Not as an adopted but you’re so right. It is hard to tell ones own story. It’s even harder in public situations where I found myself ending one conversation just to turn around and someone else want to talk about it. Honestly. I found out that it is best just to speak once and walk away.
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Yes It’s time to put an end to the secrecy and lies in adoption, Also if this is going to happen the voices of adult adoptees and the mothers who relinquished their child NEED to be understood and not under-minded.. To change the system we all NEED to be heard and heard loudly so change can be made. I always felt and even more today that every group in the US has rights except for the adoptees and then their mothers (those who gave life). From the time of birth the biggest lie is told and that’s the lie of a fake birth certificate that says the “adoptive mother” gave birth! Adoption is built on a lie and agencies need to accountable for these lies along with the courts that handled the “big” lie.
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Yes!!!!
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